My son was just diagnosed with food allergies.  I am overwhelmed with all
the changes that are needed for our new lifestyle.  Should I let my son go
to a birthday party if he’s allergic to the cake?  I have so many questions,
can you help?

ANSWER-- provided by Stacie Spies-Matz, Psy.D.

The good news is you can live a long, healthy life with food allergies by making a
few minor changes to your lifestyle.

The Food Allergy and Anaphylactic Network (FAAN) indicate that food allergies
affect about 12 million Americans today.  That is about 1 in 25 or 4 %.  Food
allergies are more prevalent among children under the age of 3.  Although most
children will outgrow their allergies to milk, egg, soy and wheat by the time they are
10, and some can outgrow them by the time they are 5, allergies to peanuts, tree
nuts, fish or shellfish can be lifelong which is why it is so important to make lifestyle
changes now.

Yes, learning to live with food allergies can be overwhelming.  Diets, shopping lists,
everyday foods, daily medications and traveling with medications, are just a few
lifestyle changes that require immediate attention.  The less subtle changes occur
when someone learns to live with food allergies for the rest of their lives.  What will
people think?  Will I get invited to play dates and or birthday parties because I have
a special diet?  Who will be in charge of the medication if mom is not there?  Do I
have to sit by myself at a lunch table because of my food allergies?  Will kids make
fun of me?  These are all realistic questions that are asked of those recently
diagnosed with food allergies.  Although food allergies may not appear to be
dangerous, it is a legitimate disability, and one that can be fatal.  Therefore, food
allergies must be taken seriously.

Balancing the physical and psychological aspects of coping with food allergies can
be challenging.  Children and caregivers need to be educated and empowered
about their disease.  At the same time, managing food allergies in social and
academic settings requires special attention and specific action plans as well.  So
much of our social and emotional lives involve food, so inevitably food allergies
become impossible to ignore.  Often times, because of food allergies, children, and
adults, can feel isolated and alone.  Food allergies can have an impact on self-
esteem, socialization and identity development.  Both parents and children alike
need support and nurturance to cope with food allergies.  No, you are not being an
“overprotective parent” and your child is not “making a big deal out of nothing”.  
This is a real disease with real and possibly dire consequences.  You are different
because of your food allergies and thus, it is important not to hide it and to start
talking about it with others so they can become aware and educated too.  
Education and communication are the safest way to manage food allergies.  

So, although it may seem you have a long road ahead, it is manageable to live with
food allergies and there is support out there for food allergies.  Seeking
professional support from a therapist who understands the complexities of living
with food allergies can be beneficial for both parent and/or child as you learn to
cope with the daily stressors that go along with adapting to a life with food allergies.

So, can your son go to the birthday party?  I would say yes.  He will need to take
special precautions and eat his own snack while the other children have cake.  
Besides, isn’t playing together and celebrating what the party is really about? The
food is just extra!  
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Parenting Questions & Answers - Food Allergies